Watch it

“Glee” (9 p.m., Fox). Sue tries to raise havoc among the Glee kids by pitting them against each other. Anything involving Sue (Jane Lynch) is comedy gold, so this’ll be worth watching.

“Top Chef” (10 p.m., Bravo). Charlie Palmer is guest judge as the theme is pork and wine. Hmmm, better than pork & beans, I guess. And hopefully that’ll prevent anyone from making scallops.

Record it

“Modern Family” (9 p.m., ABC). Shelley Long guest-stars as Jay’s ex-wife, who makes a surprise visit.

“MythBusters” (9 p.m., Discovery). It’s a very special duct-tape episode.

“South Park” (10 p.m., Comedy Central). It’s Butters’ first kiss. Awwww. Too bad Cartman will undoubtedly ruin it and scar him forever.

“Alaska State Troopers” (10 p.m., National Geographic). Series premiere. It’s “Cops.” In Alaska. So figure everyone’s drunk and armed. Sounds awesome.

Skip it

“Cougar Town” (9:30 p.m., ABC). I’m not going to bother watching until they make it less cliched. The series just added Rachel Harris (“In the Motherhood”) and Alan Ruck (Cameron from “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”) as neighbors, which is encouraging. With a cast that talented, there’ll be no more excuses for such generic writing.

“Nip/Tuck” (10 p.m., FX). Season premiere. Wow, I forgot this show was still around. It flew off the rails loooong ago. Tonight the final season kicks off with the docs finding the recession is hurting business. So they hire a new partner (Mario Lopez) who specializes in . . . um, south-of-the-border enhancements. And Sean’s girlfriend has gone from looking like Katee Sackhoff to looking like Rose McGowan. That’s right, they pulled a Darrin (remember “Bewitched”?) and replaced a character with a different actress. That’s just inane.

“Secret Girlfriend” (10 p.m., Comedy Central). This series would be hilarious if you were a 12-year-old boy. If you’re not, then it may be the stupidest thing you see all week.