For a random Monday night in the middle of summer, last night was packed chock-full of watchable TV. Here’s how I would have graded what I watched, if I regularly graded shows (which I don’t).
“No Reservations” (Travel Channel) — A+
Anthony Bourdain was in Melbourne, Australia, in what turned out to be one of the most scrumptious-looking episodes he’s ever done. I really had no idea what to expect from Aussie cuisine, but everything — and I mean every single thing he ate — looked incredibly good. There’s obviously much more to Australian cooking than Outback steaks and shrimps on the barbie. And the food scene looked very Bay Area-esque — casual, sophisticated and spectacular. Add Melbourne to my “Places to Go” list.
“Torchwood: Children of Earth (BBC America) — B+
It was my first time checking out this buzz-generating sci-fi series, and it hooked me in. This was part one in a five-part miniseries running each night this week. I had no clue as to the backstory, so some stuff was probably lost on me, but overall, it was a good entry point for a new viewer. Good mystery too — chanting, catatonic children never fail to creep me out. I’ll be tuning in for the rest of the week. I’m annoyed, though, that even though BBC America went HD on Monday, Comcast hasn’t added it yet. For what cable costs these days, they need to be more responsive.
“Three Sheets” (Fine Living Channel) — B
The network debut of this ex-Mojo series saw host Zane Lamprey drinking his way around New Zealand’s South Island. Good booze insights, and it was nice to see him drinking the same local brews (Speight’s and Monteith’s) that I did on a trip a few years ago. Bonus points for the scenes from Queenstown, my pick for most scenic town on the planet. Minus points for visiting what looked like DB bars. I watched a rerun of an episode in Chile too. First impressions: I like this show, and might have to add it to the starting rotation. Could become a nice accompaniment to “No Reservations.”
“Dating in the Dark” (ABC) — D.
The concept of the show sounds like something you’d come up with while drunk with your buddies. But bad as it was, it wasn’t as awful as I thought it’d be, and it provided an unintentional-comedy goldmine. Like the SAT tutor who had relationships boiled down to pheromones and hips-to-waist ratios. Or the Daphne Zuniga lookalike who proved to be the shallowest of them all, ditching her “match.” Or the spectacularly wrong artists’ renderings of the contestants (the Dolph Lungren/Superman sketch of the nerd was my favorite). My biggest problem: The show acts like it’s a scientific/sociological experiment to see if looks really matter when it comes to attraction. Don’t waste my time telling me something everyone on the planet already knows. Lose the pretense and embrace the cheesiness and this would make a good guilty pleasure show. Would I watch again? Not without booze and someone to mock it with.
“The T.O. Show” (VH1) — F.
I knew going in that this series, much like Terrell Owens, would be a train wreck. I just didn’t expect it to be incredibly boring as well. At the very least I expected an exotic pet (Python? White tiger? A pretty, pretty, preening peacock?). Turns out — big surprise here — T.O. is a delusional narcissist with no friends other than the ones on his payroll and does a whole lot of nothing in his spare time, other than watch ESPN and play video games. It was kinda pathetic. I think his luggage getting lost at the airport was the most action-packed scene. And it went on for the longest . . . . hour. . . . ever. Not worth watching, even to see just how bad it is. If you’re really that desperate to waste time, you’re better off picking up a magazine and counting all the letter M’s.
