Watch it

“Burn Notice” (9 p.m., USA). Michael helps out the FBI and poses as a hit man to protect a witness.

“Jersey Shore” (10 p.m., MTV). Sammi goes nuts trying to find out what Ronnie did while clubbing (um, he slid down a stripper pole, for one, and made out with two girls at once, for two). Then Paulie D gets into a fight with Angelina. I think “_____ gets into a fight with Angelina” is going to be a recurring theme this season.

Record it

“River Monsters” (9 p.m., Discovery). On the hunt for bull sharks in South African rivers. Those are the most man-eating species of shark, you know. Watch your toes. . . .

“Project Runway” (9 p.m., Lifetime). The designers think big when they find out their work will be displayed on a 50-foot billboard.

“Futurama” (10 p.m., Comedy Central). Earth is overrun by super-smart cats, who enslave humanity. Hope they give us litter boxes, at least.

“Come Dine With Me” (10 p.m., BBC America). A weird but oddly fun show where four amateur chefs cook for each other, and everyone rates the meals. It can get kinda catty.

Skip it

“Real Housewives of D.C.” (9 p.m., Bravo). Series premiere. I hate this franchise, and this one looks even more fame-whorish than usual, what with the White House party crashers being cast members. Don’t encourage them.

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