“Human Target” (8 p.m., Fox). Chance goes to South America to save his ex-girlfriend and an archaeologist from a bounty hunter and a military dictatorship. What, they couldn’t squeeze one more tired action cliche in there? This sounds like a bad episode of “The A-Team.” I keep hoping the show’s writing will improve enough so it’s at an equal level as the actors, but it hasn’t gotten there so far. Brainless can be fun, but gets old fast.

“Modern Family” (9 p.m., ABC). The awesome Judy Greer (”Archer”) guest stars as Phil’s ex, who he finds on Facebook and invites over to visit the family. I think Claire will be less than thrilled.

“Cougar Town” (9:30 p.m., ABC). Something stupid will happen, but it’ll be oddly funny enough to make watching it worthwhile.

“Psych” (10 p.m., USA). The season finale features a murderer who’s inspired by Hitchcock. Huh. Ally Sheedy guest-stars.

Record it

“The Inbetweeners” (9:30 p.m., BBC America). The guys get jobs and find out working sucks. I dropped the ball and forgot to record this last week. Luckily last week’s episode will air at 9.

“House Hunters International” (9:30 p.m., HGTV). A family looks for a green home on New Zealand’s Great Barrier Island. The location alone is enough to get me to watch.

For local interest only

“Tonight Show with Jay Leno” (11:35 p.m., NBC). Santa Rosa celebrity chef Guy Fieri is a guest, promoting his new game show.

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“Scrubs” (8 p.m., ABC). Don’t get attached, the show is doomed. Tonight Cole and Kelso get bad news concerning their health. So it sounds even less funny than usual.

“High Society” (9:30 p.m., The CW). Series premiere. It’s like a reality version of “Gossip Girl,” following the adventures of a Manhattan socialite and her friends. Looks really bad.

Neither move is a big surprise — “Ted” got yanked around the schedule and never found an audience, and “Scrubs” was a shell of its former self this year. Neither series has officially been canceled yet, and both stars are still under contract if they get renewed. But this just shows that neither one expects to be back.

Highlights

1. “Damages” (FX). Ooooh, it’s back. Patty was as scary as usual, Ellen was less annoying than usual and Tom ended up — well, wow! The supporting cast was great too, especially Lily Tomlin as the ice queen matriarch. This series has a way of grabbing you by the throat and not letting go, and after the jarring (no, literally, I almost jumped) first minute, I was hooked.

2. “Chuck” (NBC). If it was as good every week as it was this week, “Chuck” would be a hit. This was my favorite episode of the season so far, a big improvement over the previous week’s blah episode. The stuck-on-a-plane-with-a-killer angle was played for tension and comedy, both to great effect. And how cool was it that Stone Cold Steve Austin busted out a sword when the cliche would have been for him to rely on his burly fists? The alluring Hannah was a nice touch too, as she toed the line between “is she an evil spy?” and “is she a good spy?” before settling on “oh my god, is she just a real girl who likes Chuck?” Highly entertaining.

3. “Archer” (FX). Sick, sick, sick. And awesome. The dinner-party assassination storyline was good, but it was the one liners that killed me (no pun intended). From “All I’ve had today is, like, six gummy bears and scotch,” to Fister Roboto (if you have to ask, you really shouldn’t know), to the shout out to “What’s the frequency, Kenneth?” it had me busting out laughing and was easily the funniest show of the week. I loved how they disposed of the bodies too, out of sight of the camera.

Lowlights

1. “Live for the Moment” (CBS). Was I the only one who found this kinda creepy and manipulative? Basically a “Make-a-Wish” show featuring a 38-year-old father of two with a terminal disease, it was voyeuristic, preachy (Appreciate what you have! Live for the moment!) and schmaltzy. Oh, and did I mention exploitative? Ehhh, who needs dignity when you can pull in big ratings?

2. “Scrubs” (ABC). Still not funny. And wait, how did Turk become chief of surgery? I’ve obviously missed a few episodes, but didn’t he just become a resident like three years ago? Quite a career path there.

3. “Human Target” (Fox). I’m all for suspension of disbelief, but this week’s hijinks were a little too far-fetched and unbelievable. I know, it’s a dumb action series in the mold of “MacGyver” and “The A-Team,” so I shouldn’t expect too much, but “Burn Notice” does that same genre so well that “Target” suffers in comparison. Still, it’s more realistic than “24.”

Looking forward to . . .

1. “Lost” (9 p.m Tuesday, ABC). Hell to the yeah.

2. “Damages” (10 p.m., Monday, FX). I don’t know where it’s going. But I want to go to there.

3. “Man vs. Food” (6 and 10 p.m. Wednesday, Travel Channel).  The two-hour live event (6 p.m. on the West Coast) features Adam in Miami for the Super Bowl trying to choke down a steak the size of an offensive lineman. Feel free to follow along at home.

“Scrubs” (8 and 9 p.m., ABC). I had given up, but I’ve heard the J.D.-free episodes are better. And these — one rerun, one fresh episode — are both J.D.-free. I’ll give it another chance.

“Better Off Ted” (9:30 p.m., ABC). Ugh, this series is hitting its comedic groove just as the season is winding down. Catch it while you can. Tonight, Ted tries to woo a German executive using a translation device that uses Phil’s voice. There’s a rerun earlier, at 8:30, too.

“White Collar” (10 p.m., USA). Season premiere. Well, the half-season premiere. All I can say is, we’d better find out what the deal is with Peter and Neal’s girlfriend. And it’d better be a good explanation. I probably woke up my neighbors screaming “WHAAAAAT?!?!?” at last half-season’s cliffhanger finale, so it better have been worth it.

“Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien” (11:35 p.m., NBC). Like the likely-soon-to-be-canceled “Ted,” watch this while you can. Tonight’s guests: Paul Bettany and Spoon. And for all you fans of “The Tick” out there: Spooooon!!

Record it

“Human Target” (9 p.m., Fox). If you missed Sunday’s series premiere, you can catch it again tonight. It’s totally dumb, but fun. Kinda a 21-century version of the old “A-Team”/”Equalizer”/”Fall Guy”-type action show.

“Southland” (10 p.m., TNT). It’s a rerun, but if you never saw it on NBC last year (and no one did), it’ll be new to you.

“The Good Wife” (10 p.m., CBS). It’s a rerun, but hey, it won a Golden Globe for Juliana Marguiles. Maybe it’s not half-bad.

Skip it

“Psychic Kids: Children of the Paranormal” (9 p.m., A&E). This just sounds creepy. Like, a single child slowly singing “Ring Around the Rosey” creepy. It’s not for me.

“Better Off Ted” (8:30 and 9:30 p.m., ABC). In the first episode, an typo in a memo gets everyone in the office cursing like a sailor. So, it’s kinda like every day in a newsroom. In the second episode, Veronica tries to sabotage Ted’s rival.

“Southland” (10 p.m., TNT). Oh, how NBC must wish they had this series back now. This is the season opener from last spring. TNT will air the seven episodes that aired on NBC, then start up the six “new” episodes that never aired. And since this is cable, TNT will be able to use language and “adult themes” that wouldn’t have flown on NBC. It’s supposed to be a great series. If you missed it last year (like I did), now’s a good chance to catch up.

Record it

“Scrubs” (9 p.m., ABC). I stopped watching, but a friend of mine swears it’s gotten a lot better since J.D. has been written off. Unfortunately, he’s back in tonight’s episode. His cartoonish act doesn’t do it for me anymore, so maybe I’ll tune in next week instead.

“Chopped” (10 p.m., Food Network). Chefs who’ve been chopped from the show before get a chance at redemption. Or twice the humiliation.

Probably stupid, but . . .

“Blue Mountain State” (10 & 10:30 p.m, Spike). A new comedy about a college football team. It’s on Spike, which means it’s probably stupid and terrible. But who knows, it might be good for a dumb laugh or two.

Skip it

“American Idol” (8 p.m., Fox). Ugh, I really don’t care.

See ya, Ted. (ABC photo)

I was happily surprised in May when ABC renewed the very funny but audience-deprived “Better Off Ted.” I had figured it was a show just a bit too quirky for network TV. And that may yet be proving to be the case, as it appears ABC is burning through the remaining episodes.

Since it returned a few weeks ago, “Ted” has been drawing miserable ratings, and its lead-in, the revamped “Scrubs,” isn’t doing much better (and is lame, to boot).

So in January, ABC will be doubling up on “Ted” and “Scrubs” – two episodes of “Ted” will sandwich “Scrubs” on Jan. 1 (wow, there’s a guarantee no one will be watching), and both shows will air two episodes on Tuesdays starting Jan. 5. Each series has only made 13 episodes, and at that rate they’ll both be done by the end of January. It’s the same strategy Fox is using to get rid of “Dollhouse.”

So bottom line: Don’t hold your breath for either series to be renewed.

Highlights

1. “Top Chef” (Bravo). Even with the misleading editing, the unfairly random sous-chef draw (Jen vs. Preeti? Wow) and the Sonoma County snub, it was still a great hour of TV. I love this series because once you cut through the product placement and gimmicky challenges, it comes down to extremely talented professionals doing what they do best, and the three finalists were simply a joy to watch in the kitchen.

2. “The Amazing Race” (CBS). A season finale that had it all: perfect teamwork vs. bickering, cool & calm vs. meltdowns, the frontrunners falling to last place and working their way back up as the last place team grabbed the lead but couldn’t hold on. It was tense, exciting and a terrific end to a so-so season.

3. “The League” (FX). The funniest half hour on TV this past week, hands-down. I really got into this show over the past six weeks, and the brutally filthy way this group of fantasy football buddies treat each other is so, so true to life. Thursday’s finale, where poor Shiva was oblivious to her obscenely iconic status in their little group, had me gasping for air between laughs. Taco’s hot-chicks-drive-Jettas storyline was great too. Just the fact that he’s nicknamed Taco (which has never been explained) cracks me up. Can’t wait until the second season comes out next summer.

Honorable mention: “Glee” (Fox) went out with a bang in its fall finale, deftly balancing a number of storylines and bringing them to satisfying (if temporary) conclusions. So many great one-liners too — my favorite was Sue Sylvester’s line about Will’s “lesbian haircut.” The series won’t be back until April, giving the now-dethroned Sue plenty of time to plot her revenge. And “Modern Family” (ABC) showed that a Christmas-themed episode doesn’t have to be lame (take notes, “The Office” and “30 Rock), with a great episode that had hapless Phil overreacting and threatening to cancel Christmas.

Lowlights

1. “Scrubs” (ABC). I turned it off after 10 minutes. The relaunch is failing across the board, from rehashed plots to new characters who are utterly uninteresting to veteran characters who’ve become cartoonish caricatures (when did J.D. become so flamboyantly gay? Not that there’s anything wrong with that…). Very, very disappointing to see a once great series end up sputtering around like this. Kinda like seeing Jerry Rice as a Seahawk. Just sad.

2. “Gossip Girl” (The CW). Wolves? Really? WOLVES? Absolutely ridonkulous. Chuck’s dramatic brooding and Nate’s sudden burst of awesomeness (who didn’t cheer when he clocked Trip?) couldn’t make up for Serena’s chronic idiocy, Trip’s inexplicable foxhunt garb, or Rufus’ cluelessness. And don’t tell me Jenny and Eric made up that easily! What was the point of their feud then?!? This show is getting so frustrating to watch.

3. “White Collar” (USA). The twist ending was so shocking, so out of left field and so out of character that it left me with my mouth agape. There has to be a verrrry clever explanation coming, because if not, what I thought was one of fall’s best new shows just threw away all the sense of fun that made it so appealing in the first place. Ever see the alternate ending to “Clerks”? Where a robber comes in and shoots Dante, and that’s how it ends? It reminded me of that — a twist that absolutely ruins everything that came before it. I’ll trust the writers and withhold final judgment until the series returns in January, but they’re walking on a very thin line here.

Looking forward to . . .

1. “Top Chef Reunion” (9 p.m. Wednesday, Bravo). Reunion shows almost always disappoint, but hey, I’m a sucker. Besides, the preview teased something about Kevin wanting to quit at some point, and that has my curiosity piqued.

2. “Saturday Night Live Presents: A Very Gilly Christmas” (8 p.m. Thursday, NBC). I don’t get why Gilly’s supposed to be funny, but some of the clips from the past surely will be: Eddie Murphy as Mr. Robinson, Alec Baldwin’s Schwety Balls and (hopefully) Dan Aykroyd’s most unsafe toys.

3. “Survivor: Samoa” (8 p.m. Thursday, CBS). Wow, they know Russell’s a fraud and they still won’t vote him out. He might actually make the finals.

“Charlie Brown Christmas” (8 p.m., ABC). Chuck rails against commercialism and Linus gets biblical. But hey, it’s a classic. Hey, could you pass over a Dolly Madison coconut cream pie while you’re at it?

“Disney’s Prep & Landing” (8:30 p.m., ABC). It’s tough to join the ranks of Christmas-special classics, but this one sounds better than most: It’s about a couple of inept elf commandos who prepare roofs for Santa’s landings, scanning cookies for peanuts (Santa’s allergic) and fending off dogs. Kinda like the Navy SEALs of the North Pole.

“Scrubs” (9 p.m., ABC). The season’s first two episodes last week didn’t wow me – or by my very unscientific poll, very many other people. This might be the make-or-break episode on whether or not to keep watching.

“Better Off Ted” (9:30 p.m., ABC). Season premiere. I’m excited, I never though it’d get renewed for a second season. Tonight, the company tries to save health insurance costs by matching up employees by genetic compatability. (Better hope your company’s HR manager isn’t watching.) Pity poor Linda, she gets stuck with guest star Taye Diggs.

Record it

“Dinner With the Band” (8 p.m., IFC). This is a quirky little show worth checking out, especially if you like indie music and food. Tonight’s guest is Brooklyn-based band Les Savy Sav.

“Chopped” (9 p.m., Food Network). It’s a holiday-themed cooking challenge, and ingredients include venison and marshmallows. Mmmm, together, I hope!

“Daily Show” (11 p.m., Comedy Central). Former presidential candidate and Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee is the guest. The big question: Will Jon Stewart grill him over freeing that nutjob who ended up killing those four police officers in Washington last week?

Skip it

Oh, anything on MTV or VH1.

“Dinner with the Band” (8 p.m., IFC). I just heard about this series, and it sounds very cool. N.Y. chef Sam Mason invites various bands (mostly semi-obscure indie bands) to come over to his Brooklyn loft for an evening of tasty food, offbeat conversation and kickin’ tunes. Sounds legitimately interesting.

“Scrubs” (9 p.m., ABC). Season premiere. The ninth season kicks off with back-to-back episodes. The format’s been tweaked – the show will revolve around students at the adjacent med school and the stars will take mostly secondary roles. I’m a little wary of the reinvention, I think the show had a great finale last season and should have left it at that. But we’ll see how it goes tonight.

“Sons of Anarchy” (10 p.m., FX). The season finale, with SAMCRO looking to crush Zobelle’s white separatists for good. And the Mayans, while they’re at it. If Weston (Henry Rollins) doesn’t die bloody at the hands of Clay and Jax, I’ll be disappointed. He’s just soooo evil! Warning: This is a 90-minute episode, so record accordingly.

Record it

“Melrose Place” (9 p.m., The CW). Amanda moves into Sydney’s apartment. Because a high-powered ad executive swimming in money would want to live in a dead woman’s non-luxury apartment surrounded by overdramatic neighbors.

“Super Dave’s Spike-tacular” (9 p.m., Spike). Super Dave gets in a paintball shootout. It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye . . . .

Skip it

“My Fake Baby” and “Britain’s Missing Top Model” (8 and 9 p.m., BBC America). Who says all BBC programming is sophisticated and intelligent? “My Fake Baby” investigates women who treat super-lifelike dolls as their real babies, which just sounds sad and creepy. “Missing Top Model” is a typical top model reality show, but all eight contestants have disabilities. Yikes. Knowing BBC, they’ll probably handle it with dignity, but still . . .

Highlights

The "Seinfeld" gang, back together. (HBO photo)

1. “Curb Your Enthusiasm” (HBO). We finally saw the finished product of the “Seinfeld” reunion, and it was, in a word, magnificent. Just as funny as ever and true to the characters, it was like the show never ended. I even think it served as a better ending to “Seinfeld” than the actual series finale. I wished we had gotten to see the whole show-within-a-show, like how we saw much of Larry’s starring role in “The Producers” a few seasons back, but I guess you can’t have everything. The Mocha Joe subplot was the weak spot in the episode and seemed to exist just so people could have an excuse to say “Mocha Joe” again and again. That being said, I like saying “Mocha Joe” too, so I’ll let it slide. Larry’s self-destructive suspicion of Jason Alexander, culminating in Larry’s awful turn at playing the role of George, had me cracking up, and his even more self-destructive pettiness as Cheryl was trying to get back together was even funnier. And for a second there I actually thought we were going to get Larry in a tender moment; I should’ve known better. Great finale to a great season.

2. “Sons of Anarchy” (FX). Not since watching “The Departed” have I been so eager to see some skull-cracking violence. Fantastic buildup of tension leading to the big showdown between SAMCRO and Zobelle and Weston. And how cool was it to see Lem from “The Shield” show up as a Tacoma-based gang member? I hope he sticks around. The two big showdowns themselves were a little anticlimactic (I want more blood!), but I’ll wait until this week’s episode to pass final judgment. By the way, the song played leading up to the fight was “Hands in the Sky (Big Shot)” by Straylight Run. Pretty cool fight song, especially coming from an emo band.

3. “Modern Family” (ABC). As funny as it is watching Phil be the dorkiest dad in the world, it’s nice to see him be right sometimes. And the party he threw for his son Dylan rocked. A jumpy room, rock-climbing wall and creepy animal show beats a crafts table any day. Though how funny was the whole comb sheath? Not a bad day for a kid who only wanted a belt. Cameron was great as Fizbo the clown, too. Best line of the episode? Phil trying to explain his fear of clowns: “My mother says it’s because when I was a kid I found a dead clown in the woods, but who knows . . . ”

Honorable mention: The half-season finale of “V” (ABC) might have been the best episode yet. Loved Chad’s dilemma and the uh-oh reveal at the end. Too bad it’s taking a four-month break so all traces of momentum can be lost. Chris Elliot was great as Lily’s neglectful dad on “How I Met Your Mother,” and the whole Slapsgiving deal was pretty funny. Five free slaps, wow, that’s hardcore. And though he’s easy to mock, Guy Fieri’s “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives” is a pretty decent show, especially when it features a “five-star dive bar” that’s been — unbeknownst to me — hiding only four blocks from my house. Thanks for the eye-opening recommendation, Guy.

Lowlights

Just stop talking.

1. Jeffrey Steingarten on “Next Iron Chef” (Food Network). What a crabby old sourpuss. He’s a great food writer, but seems to be a bit of an ass in person. His arrogance is really off-putting, and the way he pitted the judges against the panel of Iron Chefs was unnecessary. He also gets big chunks of food stuck to his lips and cheeks and chin when he eats, which is just gross.

2. Sam & Dan on “The Amazing Race” (CBS). Stealing a cab from another team is a straight-up dirty move, and between their us-vs.-the-world attitude and their constant whining and bickering, I’m liking the brothers less and less.

3. Donny Osmond on “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC). Really, America? Really?

Looking forward to . . .

1. “Sons of Anarchy” (10 p.m. Tues., FX). The season finale. In the wake of last week’s events, I’m really curious to see where it goes. I don’t want to say “Was that it?” but . . . .  This week’s episode is titled “Na Triobloidi,” which is Gaelic for “The Troubles,” what the Irish call the decades-long bloodshed in Northern Ireland, so I’m guessing the IRA gun-running angle is going to be a major factor. And it looks like the Mayans get taught a lesson in who not to cross.

2. “Top Chef” (10 p.m. Wed., Bravo). The final four will become the final three as the show moves to Wine Country. Word on the street says the Quickfire will be onboard the Napa Valley Wine Train, with the elimination challenges at Brix and Cyrus.

3. “Scrubs” (9 p.m., ABC). Call it “Scrubs Version 2.o.” The series gets a full reboot, with the main characters (mostly) becoming occasional guest stars and new, young doctors becoming the focus of the show. I sure hope they find better new characters than the ones they got last season — Denise was the only funny one who was kept around.