“Food Wars” (7 and 7:30 p.m., Travel channel). Series premiere. You know what there aren’t enough of? Shows about food challenges. Oh, wait. Still, this one could me entertaining. The first episode has a Buffalo wing showdown between two bars. The second pits two Chicago eateries vying for best Italian beef sandwich.

“Lost” (9 p.m., ABC). It’s a Ben-centric episode. Oh, hell yeah. This will be good. (And I’m super curious to see him as a high school teacher in the parallel life. Maybe he’s an eeeevil history teacher.)

“Parenthood” (10 p.m., NBC). Adam (Peter Krause) and Kristina (Monica Potter) find out their son may have Aspberger’s. ‘Cause that’s the cool syndrome to have now on TV.

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“Glee” (9 p.m., Fox). Hey, “Glee” is back. In reruns. Still, better than nothing. Tonight’s the one where Quinn’s secret pregnancy is exposed.

“White Collar” (10 p.m., USA). The season finale (for real this time, not like the fake half-season finale in December). Neal tried to get his hands on the elusive music box and Peter tries to get rid of crooked agent (or is he?) Fowler.

“Southland” (10 p.m., TNT). A new episode that sees Lydia trying to figure out her new partner while investigating a grisly triple murder, while Ben gets worried over his partner’s overuse of pain pills.

Skip it

Miss Turkey Trot and Miss Drumsticks Pageants (10 p.m., TLC). That’s the real title, I swear to god. Actually, maybe it’s worth checking out after all just to see what – and how weird – it is.

“Glee” (9 p.m., Fox). Enjoy it, it’s the last new “Glee” until April. The regionals are looming, Quinn’s secret is unraveling, Sue’s scheming is in overdrive and Will has got to do find a way to keep Emma from marrying Ken. Hope you like cliffhangers.

“Top Chef” (10 p.m., Bravo). The season finale, and the three remaining cheftestants will be at Healdsburg’s Cyrus. My money’s still on Kevin. With the caliber of these chefs, I expect nothing less than the greatest finale in the history of the show.

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“Modern Family” (9 p.m., ABC). Phil and Claire grinchilly threaten to withhold Christmas from their kids until they fess up to something. Come on, I think that punishment would crush Phil more than the kids.

“Dinner: Impossible” (10 p.m., Food Network). Nice local twist tonight as our own Guy Fieri presents host Robert Irvine with a challenge to create a huge feast for the Santa Rosa Boys and Girls Club.

“Spectacle: Elvis Costello with . . .” (10 p.m., Sundance). The rock veteran is back with a second season of his chat show. You might have heard of tonight’s guests: U2’s Bono and The Edge. Expect some pretty cool music talk and an even cooler jam session.

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“Real World/Road Rules Challenge” (10 p.m., MTV). It’s the season finale. But really, if you’ve watched this far, you’re already lost to the dark side.

“Steven Seagal: Lawman” (10 p.m, A&E). I’m already over it.

Watch it

“Pixar Short Films” (7 p.m., ABC Family). This may be the single best thing on TV tonight. This two-hour presentation features 20 of Pixar’s award-winning shorts — you know, the 5-minute ones you’re used to seeing before movies like “Ratatouille,”  “Finding Nemo” or “Up.” They rarely fail to be funny, charming and visually stunning. Definitely worth checking out. Here’s one of my favorites:

“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” (8 p.m., CBS). The Christmas classic is back. Looking at it now, you realize Donner is a jerk of a father.  And Santa is an even bigger jerk. Don’t believe me? Check this out:

But still, it’s a classic, you’ve gotta watch.

“Glee” (9 p.m., Fox). Uh oh, there are yearbook photo dilemmas. Namely, the glee club won’t get one and Quinn wants to be in the Cheerios’ one.

“Top Chef” (10 p.m., Bravo). It’s down to the final four. Tonight they’re in Napa County for Part 1 of the finale. Can Jen keep it together? Will Michael pull off his ridiculously bold dish? Will Kevin ever cook anything that doesn’t look awesome? Will Bryan ever crack a smile? Tune in for the answers.

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“MythBusters” (9 p.m., Discovery). Adam and Jamie try to bust out of a jail cell using antacids. Now, how do you smuggle in all those Tums?

“Shadow Soldiers” (9 p.m., National Geographic). The host trains with an elite counterterrorism unit in Poland, then goes on a raid to capture a Russian mafia figure. What part of that is not cool?

“Steven Seagal: Lawman” (10 p.m., A&E). Series premiere. No, seriously! The onetime action movie star has been a reserve police officer for 20 years in Louisiana. And he somehow thinks that one week a year of ride-a-longs makes him a Super Cop. Oh, wait, sorry, it’s his world-renowned martial arts skills and superior marksmanship that make him a Super Cop. My mistake. Anyway, he goes through this show super serious, with not a hint of irony or a sense of humor or a life-imitates-art wink, entirely missing any sense of self-awareness. I’m telling you, watch this, it could be the most unintentionally funny series of the year.

“Conspiracy Theory with Jesse Ventura” (10 p.m, truTV). Series premiere. The former Navy SEAL/pro wrestler/Minnesota governor investigates crackpot theories. But since he’s a crackpot himself, don’t expect a particularly probing investigation. As an ironic side note, Ventura played a Man in Black on “The X-Files.” Tonight he checks out HAARP, the government’s secret earthquake-causing, weather-manipulating project in Alaska. No one can control earthquakes or the weather, you say? Yeah, that’s what the government wants you to believe!

“Launch My Line” (11 p.m., Bravo). Series premiere. A bunch of people with no fashion-designing experience try to launch their own clothing lines. Expect plenty of tears, frustration and awful fashions.

Skip it

“Nip/Tuck” (10 p.m., FX). This has become one of the most unpleasant shows to watch on TV. It’s just . . . . ick.

“Jay Leno Show” (10 p.m., NBC). It goes without saying this is skip-worthy, but tonight I really mean it; Jay’s guests are Dane Cook and Kim Kardashian. I’m warning you, if you’re foolish enough to tune in, the utter banality might melt your head like that Nazi in “Raiders of the Lost Ark.”

The last episode of 2009 will air Dec. 9, and then there’ll be a four-month midseason hiatus until the next new “Glee” appears on April 13. I guess Fox figured a long layoff didn’t hurt the show over the summertime, so, might as well do it again. And when it returns it’ll follow “American Idol,” which is a pretty perfect pairing.

However . . . .

April 13 is a Tuesday. That’s right, “Glee” is moving nights. Where now it’ll face off against “Lost,” which is also moving to 9 p.m. Tuesdays. Oh, and that’s also the timselot for “NCIS: L.A.,” “Biggest Loser” and “Melrose Place.” Better make sure your DVR works.

Personally, it’s no contest. The final season of “Lost” will be in full swing by April, and that’ll be my No. 1 show, no question. I’m kinda off the “Glee” bandwagon anyway. But I know a lot of folks who are heavy into both series who’ll have a tough decision on their hands.

So how about it, readers? Which show will win in your household?

“Modern Family” (9 p.m., ABC). Cameron dresses up as a clown for his nephew’s birthday party. Nice touch there — the actor who plays Cameron was a clown in real life before getting into acting. As a bonus, there’s a second (err, first, as the case may be) episode airing at 8 p.m. It’s a good one, with Shelly Long as Jay’s crazy ex-wife.

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“Glee” (9 p.m., Fox). Hip-hop singer Eve guest-stars as the coach of a rival glee club who Sue is suspected of leaking classified information too. And Kurt gives Rachel a makeover.

“House Hunters International” (10 p.m., HGTV). A couple in Berlin looks to buy a pre-war, downtown building. That could be pretty cool. I love the European episodes, the buyers are so much less annoying than cookie-cutter couples from Orlando.

“Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien” (11:30 p.m., NBC). Norm MacDonald is a guest. So what, you ask? Well, he never fails to turn in a stupendously twisted, hilarious, cringe-worthy appearance. He’s a can’t-miss guest.

Skip it

“Lopez Tonight” (11 p.m., TBS). Arsenio Hall is the guest.  How’s that for irony?

“Modern Family” (9 p.m., ABC). Woo hoo, it’s back after a one-week layoff! Guest stars abound tonight — Edward Norton plays Claire and Phil’s favorite singer (I see Phil being into yacht rock) and Elizabeth Banks plays Mitchell and Cameron’s wacky friend.

“Cougar Town” (9:30 p.m., ABC). Yeah, I gave up on this show a while back, but I’m getting drawn back tonight. The awesome Rachel Harris (”In the Motherhood”) and Alan Ruck (”Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” “Spin City”) guest star as Jules’ rivals. Could be good.

“Top Chef” (10 p.m., Bravo). The final five cheftestants take part in a culinary Olympics with an all-star lineup of judges. Pressure sit-u-ation! Can Jen hold it together for one more week?

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“Glee” (9 p.m., Fox). Finn has dinner with Quinn’s parents. Sounds like a bad, bad idea. (So is someone named Finn dating someone named Quinn, but that’s beside the point.)

“World War II in HD” (9 p.m., History Channel). MacArthur returns to the Philippines, and grim stories of getting shot down over Europe and escaping a sinking ship in the Pacific. Gulp. The second hour (at 10 p.m.) has Iwo Jima and the Allies’ big push toward Germany. I’m kinda lukewarm on this series — it’s great at times, but disappointing overall, if that makes any sense. Maybe because all of the best footage was shot in B&W and we’ve already seen it.

“South Park” (10 p.m., Comedy Central). It’s the 13th season finale already. What the hell? Was it like a six-episode season? That bugs me. Well, whatever, tonight the kids are at a water park and the show’s title is “Pee.” You connect the dots.

“Man Shops Globe” (10 p.m., Sundance). A corporate shopper for Anthropologie looks for unique furniture and art pieces in Tunisia.

Skip it

“America’s Next Top Model” (8 p.m., The CW). The conclusion of the short-girls season. Does anyone care? Eddie Murphy appears in the audience to cheer on his daughter.

“Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien” (11:30 p.m., NBC). The Couple Who Shall Not Be Named appear. Why, Conan, why? Keep ignoring them, people!

“Secrets of the Dead: The Airmen and the Headhunters” (8 p.m., PBS). A documentary about a World War II American bomber crew who were shot down over Borneo and were taken in by a tribe of headhunters. Come on, how can that fail to be interesting?

“Glee” (9 p.m., Fox). The rookie musical series returns after taking a few weeks off for the World Series. Tonight’s focus is on the challenges and pain of wheelchair-bound Artie, and it promises to be an emotional episode that apparently had the cast in tears as they filmed it. So have your Kleenex within reach.

“Top Chef” (10 p.m., Bravo). The six remaining cheftestants try to create a breakfast-in-bed dish. Nigella Lawson guest-judges. Cross your fingers that this is the episode where Robin finally goes home.

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“MythBusters” (9 p.m., Discovery). Why do cars always burst into flames whenever they crash in the movies? Tonight Adam and Jamie test whether that would really happen. Sniff sniff . . . . smell that? That’s a fireball approaching.

“Return to Duty” (9 p.m., MTV). I’m going out on a limb here, but MTV has an opportunity to pull off a pretty powerful show, in this special following former “Real World: Brooklyn” castmember Ryan Conklin, who’s currently serving his second tour in Iraq. Done right, it could be a poignant reminder of realities of the war that could hit home for a lot of young viewers.

Oddly Inappropriate, Yet Kinda Watchable

AMC is saluting America’s veterans by . . . . well, airing back-to-back movies about America’s favorite messed-up, violence-prone veteran, John Rambo. “First Blood” (8 p.m.) is actually pretty decent, at least by B-movie standards. “Rambo: First Blood Part II” (10 p.m.) is more of a blood-splattered cartoon. But I have to admit, it’s kinda brainless fun watching Rambo single-handedly win the Vietnam War, 15 years after the fact.

Skip it

CMA Awards (8 p.m., ABC). Never mind that I’m not a country music fan, I’m just bitter because it’s pre-empting “Modern Family.”

“Glee” (9 p.m., Fox). Finn and Quinn learn what it’s like to be suddenly unpopular. And many Big Gulps are spilled on them.

“Top Chef” (10 p.m., Bravo). It’s Restaurant Wars! This is always one of the best episodes of any season. Looks pretty evenly match quality-wise too – judging from the previews, it looks like Kevin and Jen are on one team, and Bryan and Michael are on the other. Can’t wait.

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“Modern Family” (9 p.m., ABC). Claire and Gloria face off at a family barbecue. The term “gold-digger” is thrown around, and neither the 49ers nor Kanye West are involved.

“MythBusters” (9 p.m., Discovery). The guys test the fuel efficiency of dirty cars vs. clean cars. Great, now I can find out if the freeway grime is costing me money in addition to just looking gross. Meanwhile, the kids (Grant, Tory and Keri) test the ol’ adage, “Liquor before beer, never fear; beer before liquor, never sicker.” Sounds like a must-see.

“Man Shops World” (10 p.m., Sundance). My girlfriend has gotten hooked on this. A buyer for the Anthropoligie chain of stores goes around the world shopping for unique furniture and random home items. It’s sorta interesting, if you’re into that sort of thing. Tonight he’s shopping in Istanbul in search of exotic fabrics.

Hour of Bitterness

Hey, “Reaper” fans, remember a few months ago when The CW thought they had some really good, buzzworthy new shows and went with those instead of renewing your favorite supernatural comedy? Well, if you want to know how well that plan is working out, they’re airing a rerun of last night’s “Melrose Place” at 9 p.m. Sigh.

Skip it

“Nip/Tuck” (10 p.m., FX). It really needs to become a comedy at this point, it’s such a farce of what it once was.

Joss Whedon (AP photo)

Here’s some news that will make fanboys’ (and girls’) heads explode: Joss Whedon will direct an upcoming episode of “Glee.”

Whedon, the creator of the much-beloved “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” who’s currently involved with Fox’s “Dollhouse,” has some musical cred: Who can forget the brilliant musical episode of “Buffy”? And he also directed Neil Patrick Harris and Nathan Fillion’s Emmy-winning musical Web series “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along.”

The episode probably won’t be shot until “Dollhouse’s” 13-episode run is done, so it’d probably air in the spring. But don’t expect a lot of bells and whistles;  Whedon hopes it’ll be just another episode. He wrote on his Whedonesque blog: “What can we expect from a ‘Joss Whedon’ episode of Glee? An episode of Glee. God willin’ and the crik don’t rise, a good one. A television director’s job is, on some level, to be anonymous; to find the most compelling way to present a story without calling attention to himself.”

So don’t hold your breath for a special appearance by Alyson Hannigan or James Marsters. Although Whedon just might kill off half the cast: “Whom will I kill? Probably Principal Figgins. (No! I kid! God.)”

Nahh, it’d be more appropriate for Sue to get a stake through the heart anyway.

“Glee” (9 p.m., Fox). Sue tries to raise havoc among the Glee kids by pitting them against each other. Anything involving Sue (Jane Lynch) is comedy gold, so this’ll be worth watching.

“Top Chef” (10 p.m., Bravo). Charlie Palmer is guest judge as the theme is pork and wine. Hmmm, better than pork & beans, I guess. And hopefully that’ll prevent anyone from making scallops.

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“Modern Family” (9 p.m., ABC). Shelley Long guest-stars as Jay’s ex-wife, who makes a surprise visit.

“MythBusters” (9 p.m., Discovery). It’s a very special duct-tape episode.

“South Park” (10 p.m., Comedy Central). It’s Butters’ first kiss. Awwww. Too bad Cartman will undoubtedly ruin it and scar him forever.

“Alaska State Troopers” (10 p.m., National Geographic). Series premiere. It’s “Cops.” In Alaska. So figure everyone’s drunk and armed. Sounds awesome.

Skip it

“Cougar Town” (9:30 p.m., ABC). I’m not going to bother watching until they make it less cliched. The series just added Rachel Harris (”In the Motherhood”) and Alan Ruck (Cameron from “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”) as neighbors, which is encouraging. With a cast that talented, there’ll be no more excuses for such generic writing.

“Nip/Tuck” (10 p.m., FX). Season premiere. Wow, I forgot this show was still around. It flew off the rails loooong ago. Tonight the final season kicks off with the docs finding the recession is hurting business. So they hire a new partner (Mario Lopez) who specializes in . . . um, south-of-the-border enhancements. And Sean’s girlfriend has gone from looking like Katee Sackhoff to looking like Rose McGowan. That’s right, they pulled a Darrin (remember “Bewitched”?) and replaced a character with a different actress. That’s just inane.

“Secret Girlfriend” (10 p.m., Comedy Central). This series would be hilarious if you were a 12-year-old boy. If you’re not, then it may be the stupidest thing you see all week.