Highlights

1. “Sons of Anarchy” (FX). The best episode of the season, full of gasp-inducing moments of revelations and laying the groundwork for the doubtlessly bloody revenge against Zobelle and his crew. And now that Opie knows the truth, it’ll be interesting to see how that changes the dynamic of the club.

2. “Curb Your Enthusiasm” (HBO). The “Seinfeld” reunion line-reading session was fantastic, a rare glimpse of what it really must be like behind the scenes of a sitcom. In a rarity for “Curb,” it was a moment of pure magic, of talented people having fun, and the natural chemistry and laughs among the cast seemed completely real. The Michael Richards racially-tinged fight and Larry’s mistaken pedophilia were a bit of a stretch, but still funny.

3. “White Collar” (USA). “Modern Family” aside, this might be my favorite new show of the season. It’s breezy and fun, just the kind of lighthearted show that you need to end the week on a good note.

Honorable mention: Phil being baffled by the bassist from Spandau Ballet on “Modern Family,” the shooting accident and piggyback rides on “Parks and Recreation,” the D.E.N.N.I.S. seduction method on “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.”

Lowlights

1. “Gossip Girl” (The CW). It’s quickly going from guilty pleasure to embarrassing habit. This week’s episode was awful. With the exception of Chuck, every character seems to have become either more unlikable (Blair, Jenny) or more stupid (Serena, Dan) this season. Dan’s hipster “Snow White” play was cringe-inducing, and so is his pining for Vanessa. Ugh. Someone please turn this into the Chuck Bass show. And bring Durota back.

2. Tyler on “V” (ABC). He’s the stupid, love — err, lust-struck son of FBI agent Erica, and wow, do I hate him, even though I’m liking the rest of the show. His character seems completely phony, like a melodramatic caricature that would fit better on “One Tree Hill.” When was the last time a cool TV hero had such an annoying kid? Um, how about Kim Bauer on “24″? He’s comparable. Maybe we’ll get lucky and his alien girlfriend will eat him or something.

3. Kari Ann on “Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew” (VH1). What a horrible person. I wanted to throw something through my TV and peg her in the head. I was surprised at how un-sleazy the show is, and how everyone was portrayed so sympathetically. Well, except for Kari Ann, who’s such a blatant emotional trainwreck that a Psych 101 student could figure her out in two minutes. But more than messed-up, she’s mean, petty and oblivious. Nobody gets to yell at Dr. Drew like that!

Looking forward to . . .

1. “Curb Your Enthusiasm” (9 p.m. Sunday, HBO). The season finale and the big episode with the reunion of the “Seinfeld” cast. Should be pret-tay, pret-tay funny.

2. “Sons of Anarchy” (10 p.m. Tuesday, FX). The setup to the season finale, as SAMCRO prepares their retaliation against the white separatists. I haven’t felt this sort of TV bloodlust since “The Shield.”

3. “Amazing Race” (8 p.m. Sunday, CBS). It’s down to the final four teams, and there’s now bad blood between Sam & Dan and the Globetrotters (which I don’t get, but whatever). Tonight they head to Prague, and since there are still three episodes left, I’m betting this is a non-elimination leg.

“Extreme Barhopping” (8 p.m., Travel Channel). A look at unique bars around the world. Could be interesting if the bars aren’t too obnoxious.

“Austin City Limits” (9 p.m., PBS-KRCB Ch. 22). Pearl Jam perform songs new and old on the venerable music program. For those outside Sonoma County, KQED will air it Sunday night at midnight.

Check in and see

“Saturday Night Live” (11:30 p.m., NBC). Joseph Gordon-Levitt (”500 Days of Summer”) hosts, and he could be good. But Dave Matthews Band are the musical guests, and they’ll doubtless be as annoying and fratty as ever.

Games of the day

Ohio State at Michigan (9 a.m., ABC). The Buckeyes have already clinched a Rose Bowl berth and the Wolverines are tumbling hard. But this rivalry is still a big game.

Harvard at Yale (9 a.m., Versus). Get your fill of sweaters tied over shoulders and guys named Trip.

Cal at Stanford (4:30 p.m, Versus). Wow, when was the last time both teams in the Big Game were nationally ranked? Still, the way Stanford’s been playing recently, this could get ugly.

Oregon at Arizona (5 p.m., ABC). Both teams are in contention for the Rose Bowl, and this could be an offensive shootout.

Sharks at Ducks (7 p.m., CSN-CA). An intra-state rivalry between the league’s top team and the team whose fans get into brawls over hockey sticks. You stay classy, Anaheim. (Don’t know what I’m talking about? Watch this video:)

Take a sneak peek at the new season:

“Chuck’s” return will push “Heroes” back to 9 p.m. on Mondays, where still, no one will watch.

Speaking of no one watching, “Trauma” apparently isn’t dead yet. NBC won’t pull the plug on the expensive, ratings-starved series after its run of 13 episodes after all. Another three have been ordered, leaving six episodes to be aired sometime in the new year. Of course, with “Chuck” and “Heroes” taking over Mondays and the Olympics coming in February, you have to wonder when NBC will find time to air them.

And finally, in former NBC-show news, “Southland” will start its second season on TNT, airing at 10 p.m. Tuesdays starting Jan. 12. Thirteen episodes are on tap, with possibly more if the ratings are good.

And now that he’s on cable, Ben MacKenzie promises to drop a few f-bombs in the new season:

Flyers at Sharks (8 p.m., CSN-CA). Pretty good matchup of two of the league’s better teams.

“White Collar” (10 p.m., USA). The guys set out to recover a stolen portrait.

Grab your remote and follow the coolness around the late-night shows. Death Cab for Cutie performs on a “New Moon”-themed “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (12:05 a.m., ABC), Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Elvis Costello are on “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” (12:35 a.m., NBC), and “The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson” has Neil Patrick Harris.

Record it

“Smallville” (8 p.m., The CW). Lois is forced to reveal what she saw in her flash forward. Errr, wrong show; I mean, her vision of the future. And what did she see? Zod in control of Metropolis and Superman powerless under a red sun. Uh oh. Can you say “Kneel before Zod”?

NFL’s Greatest Games: 1999: Packers at 49ers (10 p.m., NFL Network). The Terrell Owens catch. Need I say more?

“General Hospital” (10 p.m., Soap Network). Check out James Franco’s (”Spider-Man,” “Freaks and Geeks”) first appearance in soap land.

Skip it

“Jose Canseco: Last Shot” (8 p.m., Biography). A 2008 special following the former baseball star’s effort to quit steroids. If I had to watch an hour of Canseco’s narcissistic babbling, I think I’d want to kill myself.

“Jay Leno Show” (10 p.m., NBC). Ed Begley Jr. does the uber-lame Green Car Challenge.

Mark your calendars for a two-hour premiere at 9 p.m. on Feb. 2. Yes, February, a little later than expected. And yes, that’s a Tuesday; the series is switching nights now that “Modern Family” and “Cougar Town” have settled into their Wednesday night slots.

That’s fine by me — there’s not a whole lot of other dramas on Tuesdays to compete with it.

There’ll be 18 episodes  in Season 6 (one was added over the summer), so that’d put the series finale around May 18, factoring in the two-hour premiere and a presumed two-hour finale and assuming they stick to the original plan and run all the episodes uninterrupted.

February can’t come soon enough.

“Survivor: Samoa” (8 p.m., CBS). The granddaddy of reality shows has become buzz-worthy again, thanks to the brilliantly scheming Russell. Tonight the tribe tries to prevent him from finding yet another hidden immunity idol.

“The Office” (9 p.m., NBC). David Wallace invites Michael to the big shareholders meeting in New York. And Michael, not realizing it’s going to be full of awful news, brings Andy,  Dwight and Oscar with him. Woo hoo, road trip!

“30 Rock” (9:30 p.m., NBC). Jack and Tracey have parenthood on their minds. That can’t be good for anyone involved. Al Gore makes a guest appearance as Kenneth tries to make the show more eco-friendly. Maybe Al and Jack can have a battle of giant heads.

“It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” (10 p.m., FX). Dennis reveals his seduction techniques. Hmmm, wonder if it’s better than Barney’s playbook.

“The League” (10:30 p.m., FX). The guys join newly dumped Kevin at a spa trip on what was supposed to be his wedding anniversary. How much you wanna bet there’ll be more than one joke about getting a rubdown from a male masseuse?

Record it

“Terror in Mumbai” (8 p.m., HBO). A documentary examination of last year’s terrorist attacks in India that left more than 170 people dead. It includes audio of the terrorists’ phone conversations, video surveillance footage, video of the surviving attacker’s interrogation and interviews with survivors. Grim stuff, but it should be gripping.

“Fringe” (9 p.m., Fox). The mysterious bald Observers’ role in history is revealed. Meanwhile, Walter desperately craves a milkshake. Been there.

“World War II in HD” (9 p.m., History Channel). The miniseries wraps up with the Battle of the Bulge, Okinawa and the end of the war.

“30 for 30: The Legend of Jimmy the Greek” (10 p.m., ESPN2). I missed this one when it originally aired last week, but I hear it’s a fascinating look at the rise and fall of the sports’ most famous handicapper.

Skip it

“FlashForward” (8 p.m., ABC). I had a vision of this episode: Nothing happens.

“Real Housewives of Orange County” (10 p.m., Bravo). Jeana quits the show. Ahh, if only she were an inspiration to other “housewives.”

Emmanuel DelCour, but you can call him Jean. (Bravo photo)

I watched the series premiere of Bravo’s “Chef Academy” on Monday night, and as expected, it was pretty bland, especially when compared to “Top Chef” or “The Next Food Network Star” or even Fox’s awful “Hell’s Kitchen.” However . . . . “Chef Academy” has one thing that none of those other shows have. Celebrity chef host? Nothing new there. Wacky cheftestants? Par for the course. But a porn star? Um . . . . yeah, that’s one way to distinguish your show.

Thanks to the Interwebs (and a teaser scene from the show’s “coming up” clip), it appears that one of the “Chef Academy” contestants has had a prolific porn career under a pseudonym. Wannabe-chef Emmanuel DelCour, ye of the laissez-faire attitude, look in the mirror and meet Jean Val Jean (oh, that’s original), winner of the 2007 Adult Video Network Male Foreign Performer of the Year.

His official bio on Bravo’s site is mum on the subject, saying only that native of the South of France has acted in commercials, TV series (he’s been on “CSI” and swapped spit with Khloe on “Keeping Up With the Kardashians”) and has been a personal trainer. His hobbies are “swimming uncaged with great white sharks, drawing and graphic design.” Borrr-ing. Nary a mention of — bwa-chicka-waa-waa (cue porn soundtrack) — “pizza deliveries” or “pool cleaning” or “cable repairman.” Though the bio does note that he’s full of “eclectic talents.” (Um, yeah, I guess you could say that.)

There are a ton of links to Emmanuel’s other career, and most aren’t especially appropriate to a general audience. But his IMDB page notes his “successful cross-over from modeling in straight adult entertainment” and Jean Val Jean’s Wikipedia page notes his particular porn talent. And I’m not going to link to it due to its extremely graphic written content, but if you Google “Jean Val Jean Vibereview” you can read an interview where he goes into extreme detail about what he likes. It gets a little skeezy.

Really, would you want a creepy French porn star making your food? Who knows where those hands have been.

Cheap casting stunt or another example of a reality show not doing due diligence when screening contestants? Well, at least he’s not a stalker or a murderer, so Bravo still has one step up on VH1. But bottom line, it’s still not interesting enough to get me to watch again.

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Wanna see the awesome Wikipedia page on Lorenzo von Matterhorn that Barney used to woo chicks on this week’s “How I Met Your Mother”? You know you do. Here you go. (Click to enlarge, and yeah, yeah, that’s what he said.)

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Jason Lee (”My Name Is Earl”) is coming back to TV as a Memphis cop/Elvis impersonator in a new TNT series called “Delta Blues.”

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J.B Smoove got along just fine with Michael Richards on the set of “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” thanks for asking.

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The Poynter Institute has an interesting article on how “The Daily Show” has become the nation’s media ombudsman.

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Recently departed “Top Chef” contestant Robin is annoying off the show too. But she gets a bonus point for using the word “shenanigans” in this interview.

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Don’t expect any sneak peeks at the upcoming season of “Lost.” The producers are keeping it tightly under wraps until the season starts in January. Fine with me, trailers give away too many plot points anyway.

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“Buffy the Vampire Slayer” will rise again, in the form of animated webisodes based on the “Season 8″ comics.

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The word “douche” is being said more and more on network TV. I blame a certain talentless person whose name rhymes with Prencer Splat.

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Will Arnett (Mr. Amy Poehler) is coming to “Parks and Recreation.” Awesome.

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Ahhh, the Five Stages of Fan Grief. “Reaper” fans know it well. Now “Dollhouse” fans are experiencing it now. Pay attention, “Chuck” fans, this might help you in the future.

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A list of the best TV series of the decade. “Venture Bros”? “Firefly”? “Undeclared”? No argument from me there. Damn them for stealing my thunder, I was planning on a list of my own in the next few weeks!

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Don’t worry, Captain Jack fans. Despite the bleak ending to this summer’s “Children of Earth” miniseries, it’s sounding more likely like there will be a fourth season of “Torchwood.”

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Santa Rosa’s own Guy Fieri is hitting the road for a series of concert-like cooking shows. It’s coming to San Jose on Dec. 16. But $250 tickets? Sounds juuuust a little overpriced. But Guy’s finger-bling isn’t cheap, I guess.

“Modern Family” (9 p.m., ABC). Woo hoo, it’s back after a one-week layoff! Guest stars abound tonight — Edward Norton plays Claire and Phil’s favorite singer (I see Phil being into yacht rock) and Elizabeth Banks plays Mitchell and Cameron’s wacky friend.

“Cougar Town” (9:30 p.m., ABC). Yeah, I gave up on this show a while back, but I’m getting drawn back tonight. The awesome Rachel Harris (”In the Motherhood”) and Alan Ruck (”Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” “Spin City”) guest star as Jules’ rivals. Could be good.

“Top Chef” (10 p.m., Bravo). The final five cheftestants take part in a culinary Olympics with an all-star lineup of judges. Pressure sit-u-ation! Can Jen hold it together for one more week?

Record it

“Glee” (9 p.m., Fox). Finn has dinner with Quinn’s parents. Sounds like a bad, bad idea. (So is someone named Finn dating someone named Quinn, but that’s beside the point.)

“World War II in HD” (9 p.m., History Channel). MacArthur returns to the Philippines, and grim stories of getting shot down over Europe and escaping a sinking ship in the Pacific. Gulp. The second hour (at 10 p.m.) has Iwo Jima and the Allies’ big push toward Germany. I’m kinda lukewarm on this series — it’s great at times, but disappointing overall, if that makes any sense. Maybe because all of the best footage was shot in B&W and we’ve already seen it.

“South Park” (10 p.m., Comedy Central). It’s the 13th season finale already. What the hell? Was it like a six-episode season? That bugs me. Well, whatever, tonight the kids are at a water park and the show’s title is “Pee.” You connect the dots.

“Man Shops Globe” (10 p.m., Sundance). A corporate shopper for Anthropologie looks for unique furniture and art pieces in Tunisia.

Skip it

“America’s Next Top Model” (8 p.m., The CW). The conclusion of the short-girls season. Does anyone care? Eddie Murphy appears in the audience to cheer on his daughter.

“Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien” (11:30 p.m., NBC). The Couple Who Shall Not Be Named appear. Why, Conan, why? Keep ignoring them, people!

The one drawback? It’s a full-priced DVD even though it’s only 43 minutes. Kind of a ripoff, if you ask me. But that’s what Netflix is for. I’m adding it to my queue today.

Here’s a sneak peek at the special: