“Modern Family” (9 p.m., ABC). An earthquake sends everyone into a tizzy. Oh come on, they live in Southern California, a quake should be no big deal.
“Cougar Town” (9:30 p.m., ABC). Jules gloms onto Grayson as she goes through withdrawal after her kid goes off to college. The plots this series onalways sound stupid, but as long as there are scenes of the gang drinking wine out of glasses filled to the brim, it manages to be funny.
“Terriers” (10 p.m., FX). Hank and Britt are thrown into the center of a lethal conspiracy. And, oh yeah, there’s the matter of the dead body in Hank’s bathtub. I’m still loving this, it’s the best new show of the fall, by far.
“America’s Next Top Model” (8 p.m., The CW). The models get a lesson in healthy eating and pose with Mexican Lucha Libre wrestlers. Um, yeah, I don’t know how those two go together either.
“Burn Notice” (9 p.m., KRON). Hey, there’s finally something on KRON that’s not an infomercial! If you’ve never seen it before, catch the very first episode of this breezy, clever, action-packed series now that it’s in syndication.
“MythBusters” (9 p.m., Discovery). The team is back with all-new episodes. Tonight Adam and Jamie enlist police dogs to test a couple of canine myths.
“South Park” (10 p.m., Comedy Central). Season premiere. Cartman tries to fulfill his dream of becoming a NASCAR driver, and enlists Butters to lead his pit crew. Expect a redneck joke or three.
Catch a score
The first round of baseball playoffs start today with a tripleheader: Rangers vs. Rays (10:30 a.m.), Reds vs. Phillies (2 p.m.) and Yankees vs. Twins (5:30 p.m.). All games are on TBS.
“Survivor: Nicaragua” (8 p.m., CBS). This season has gone downhill fast, and with Jimmy Johnson gone, there aren’t a lot of likable castaways left. I’m giving up. Tonight, NaOnka beats Kelly B with her own prosthetic leg. Or something equally awful.
“Steven Seagal: Lawman” (10 p.m., A&E). Season premiere. Oh god, he’s back. Watch only for unintentional comedy value.
“Kids of Killers” (10 p.m., E). Sonoma County’s Carmina Salcido is among those profiled, but this looks totally trashy and exploitative. Shocking, I know, coming from E.