Watch it

Patriots vs. Dolphins (5:30 p.m., ESPN). Take an opportunity to mock Tom Brady’s ridiculous new hairstyle.

“Chuck” (8 p.m., NBC). Chuck and Sarah’s nemeses Hugo Panzer (“Stone Cold” Steve Austin) and Heather Chandler (Nicole Richie) reappear with the good guys in their targets. And Heather may know the whereabouts of Chuck’s mom. The season’s first two episodes haven’t blown me away; they’ve been pretty lightweight compared to the end of last season. But it’s relatively fun fluff at least.

“The Event” (9 p.m., NBC). The president tries a new strategy to get Sophia to tell the whole truth about The Event. (But I’m guessing that won’t happen until the season finale.)

Record it

“How I Met Your Mother” (8 p.m., CBS). This first couple of episodes have been really disappointing. Hmmm, I thought this season was supposed to be a return to its funny form. Tonight Barney uses his super seduction techniques to try to woo Ted into designing a building.

“Top Gear” (8:30 p.m., BBC America). The boys compare the Porsche 911 and Boxster Spyder, and Tony Blair’s former press secretary takes a spin on the track.

“Gossip Girl” (9 p.m., The CW). Nate gets suspicious of Juliet. Finally. Meanwhile, Blair plots to ruin Chuck’s new relationship, and Dan is again torn between Serena and Vanessa. Wow, I’m annoyed just typing that.

Skip it

“Dancing with the Stars” (8 p.m., ABC). How bad is this field if Bristol Palin is still in the running? It baffles me how this is one of the top-rated shows in the country.