“The Simpsons” (8 p.m., Fox). Season premiere. The 22nd season begins with a musical extravaganza, as Lisa goes off to arts camp. Guest voices include the stars of “Glee” and “Flight of the Conchords.”
“The Amazing Race” (8:30 p.m, CBS). Season premiere. Opening episodes are usually jam-packed with action and too many racers to keep track of, but finally, we’re getting a 90-minute opener, so that should help the pace a lot. Tonight the 11 teams head to London from Gloucester, Mass., and one gets smashed in the face with a watermelon (that actually looks incredibly painful). Click here for my first impressions and predictions.
“Mad Men” (10 p.m., AMC). There’s trouble at the Francis household.
“Rubicon” (9 p.m., AMC) Will and Katherine finally team up, and Kale gets more and more suspicious of Spangler. Hmmm, Kale might actually turn out to be a good (or at least goodish) guy after all.
“Boardwalk Empire” (9 p.m., HBO). Nucky covers his tracks after the spate of bloodshed and crime in town. And that gangster’s murder in Chicago that we saw last week has major implications for Al Capone and Arnold Rothstein.
“Dexter” (9 p.m., Showtime). Season premiere. Last season ended with a bloody shocker. Season 5 picks up right where that left off, with Dexter struggling to cope with what happened. Julia Stiles joins the cast this season.
“Bored to Death” (10 p.m., HBO). Season premiere. Jason Schwartzman is back for a second season as a pseudo-intellectual, hipster private eye. Tonight he moonlights from a teaching job to help a cop erase his name from a client list at a soon-to-be-busted S&M club.
“Eastbound & Down” (10:30 p.m., HBO). Season premiere. Kenny’s living it up in Mexico, but ends up being dragged from the glamorous world of cockfighting to heed baseball’s siren call. I kinda hated this series last year, but I know a lot of folks love it. Maybe I’ll give it another try.
“Venture Bros” (11:30 p.m., Cartoon Network). The good guys and bad guys have to team up to stop a mysterious entity who’s snatching both and sending them to a death camp. Sounds, um, hilarious?
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49ers vs. Chiefs (10 a.m., Fox). Which Niners team will show up, the one that got blasted by the mediocre Seahawks or the ones who pushed the Super Bowl champion Saints to the brink? An 0-3 start would not be good.
Giants vs. Rockies (noon, CSN-BA). You can flip over if the Niners game is too depressing.
Raiders vs. Cardinals (1 p.m., CBS). Two terrible teams. But the Raiders could very easily be 2-1 after today.
Jets vs. Dolphins (5 p.m., NBC). Meh. Two teams I don’t care about.
“Sister Wives” (10 p.m., TLC). Series premiere. A new reality series about a polygamist — ooh, pardon me, “plural familyist” — and his three wives. And their search to add a fourth. It’s creepy. But it’s on TLC, so what else would you expect?