Watch it

“Wipeout” (8 p.m., ABC). With Moving Big Balls. Heh.

“White Collar” (9 p.m., USA). Neal’s sidekick Mozzie goes to Peter for help after his friend is kidnapped.

“Covert Affairs” (10 p.m., USA). Annie is stranded in Zurich with an Israeli agent.

“Louie” (11 p.m., FX). Louie has to deal with family matters.

Record it

“Warehouse 13” (9 p.m., Syfy). It’s part one of a two-part a crossover with “Eureka,” as the facility’s computer system needs an upgrade, which doesn’t go as planned.

“If You Really Knew Me” (11 p.m., MTV). MTV’s attempt to present “do-good” programming to offset it’s plethora of crap. Kinda like carbon offsets, but with reality shows. Tonight a high school outcast opens up to fellow students in an attempt to spread understanding.

Skip it

“Shaq vs.” (9 p.m., ABC). Season premiere. I don’t like this on principle: Shaquille O’Neal’s people recently settled a lawsuit from a writer who claimed they stole his idea for the show, and there were reports last year that Shaq stole the idea from former teammate Steve Nash. It all sounds shady to me. But if you don’t care, tonight Shaq’s trying his hand at NASCAR racing with Dale Earnhardt Jr.

“18 to Life” (9 p.m., The CW). Series premiere. An import from Canada about  too-young married couple. The LA Times review makes it sound pretty awful.

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