I’m ashamed to admit I watched Jake and Vienna’s post-breakup reunion last night on a very special episode of “The Bachelorette” (ABC). That was rough to watch, yet oddly captivating. Kinda like eating at a restaurant and watching the couple at the next table loudly break up; you’re embarrassed for them and don’t want to watch, but you just can’t help yourself.
I’ve gotta say, Vienna came off looking so much better than Jake, last season’s “Bachelor.” Going in, I had assumed she was the skeezier one. Not that she’s not just as big a fame whore as he is (her excuse for going to the tabloids first — “You would have if I didn’t” — was lame), but she at least seemed genuinely hurt and upset. On a show as patently fake as “The Bachelor/Bachelorette,” it’s rare enough to see any genuine feelings, so I’ll give her that. Her complaints about Jake being manipulative sounded valid, and her explanations for her supposed affair (“He’s gay,” for one) were believable. Despite whatever the circumstances under which she agreed to marry him, it seemed like she had just gotten in way over her head with someone who didn’t turn out to be who she thought he was, and was desperate to escape a bad relationship. I think we can all understand that.
Jake, meanwhile, acted like a robot, cold and emotionless, and was completely condescending and phony. He came off as a total jerk, smug until the end. His endless stream of “Baby, be quiet” and “Why are you raising your voice” seemed like a passive aggressive attempt to get Vienna even more riled up, thinking he could make her look worse. Didn’t quite work that way. Oh, and he feels emasculated by GPS units. Awwwww. D-bag, thy name is Jake.
As an aside, Chris Harrison cracked me up with how serious he was, acting like Edward R. Murrow covering a great American tragedy. “It is with a certain regret that we’re here tonight” . . . . bwah! Not to ABC, it’s not.
I felt kinda dirty after watching. Thank god AMC had a “Mad Men” marathon going on all night, so I could switch the channel and regain some self-respect. If you can live with yourself, check out the interview here (Part 3 is the most cringe-inducing):
So what’d you think? Are you on Team Vienna, Team Jake, or Team Hope I Never Hear From Either One of Them Ever Again?