“No Reservations” (7 p.m., Travel). Tony Bourdain hits Maine for crab and whatever else they eat there. Maple syrup?
“How I Met Your Mother” (8 p.m., CBS). Marshall gets mugged, and Lily wants to get a gun. Which Marshall thinks might not be the best idea.
“Gossip Girl” (9 p.m., The CW). Maybe I’m a sap, but last week’s awful episode hasn’t turned me totally off. Tonight Chuck hosts Durota’s wedding, and he and Miss Blair are in the ceremony. Awk-ward. Meanwhile, the Van Der Woodsen women lie to their respective significant others.
“Damages” (10 p.m., FX). With her witness and henchmen dead, Patty tries to destroy the Tobin family. Tom, meanwhile, finds his life falling apart and makes a deal he won’t live long enough to regret.
“Life Unexpected” (8 p.m., The CW). It’s the season finale, and Cate has to choose between Baze and her fiancee. And Lux drops a bombshell. Sounds very “Party of Five”-like.
“24” (9 p.m., Fox). For one reason only: President Logan is back. That’s right, in the midst of a crisis, the most evil president since Nixon (and certainly the most treasonous) is back in the game. Awesome.
“Dancing With the Stars” (8 p.m., ABC). I’m kinda morbidly curious to see Kate Gosselin dance, because I’ve heard she’s unspeakably bad. But rather than waste two hours for a 30-second chuckle, I think I’ll just try to find highlights online.
“Two and a Half Men” (9 p.m., CBS). Show Charlie Sheen that you don’t care if he quits the show.