This was a pretty bleak week for TV. Two of the lightest and brightest shows on right now — “Top Chef Masters” and “Burn Notice” — took the week off, and what was left was almost unwatchable. In some cases, literally. Since I spent most of my viewing hours this week watching the BBC miniseries “State of Play,” here’s a sampling of what I didn’t watch.

I didn’t watch all of “Diners, Drive-ins and Dives” (Monday, Food Network) because of a false alarm. I had heard Guy Fieri (uh, that’s pronounced “Feeeddddddi”) had recently shot an episode at Q, a cool little diner-ey place in my ‘hood, San Francisco’s Richmond District. The previews said it was an SF episode, but alas, the place featured was in the Tenderloin. Looked tasty, but I lost interest because I’m that provincial. And I also didn’t watch “Chopped” (Tuesday, Food Network) because judge Alex always looks so damn sour and makes everything sound so unappetizing.

Booze and blowtorches don't go well together. (FX photo)

I did watch “Rescue Me” (Tuesday, FX), but it had me cringing in horror and looking away as Tommy took a blowtorch to his thigh. Ahhh, but I caught that closeup of his scorched, oozing wound.  Did we really need to see that? Thank God we didn’t see that horribly mangled/burned/dismembered child in the car crash. But what we didn’t see almost made it worse. That scene with Tommy picking up the pieces . . . . ugh, I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth. Again.

I didn’t watch “I Survived a Japanese Game Show” (Wednesday, ABC) because I was so disappointed when I tuned in for the first time the previous week. How could they make a ridiculously goofy show like that so boring? The contestants all seem like morons, like refugees from “Road Rules.” The non-competition parts are inane. Apparently the Green team is super competitive and really wants to win, while the Red team is super competitive and really wants to win, but are frustrated that they’re not. I wasn’t nearly drunk enough to enjoy the competition parts.

I didn’t watch “Obsessed” (Monday, A&E) because it’s just too painful and uncomfortable to watch. Good lord, those people have some serious damn problems. It’s not even oh-my-god-look-at-that freakish fun to watch, like the inhalant addict on “Intervention.” It’s just sad. Here’s a clip:

I didn’t watch “Monsters Inside Me” (Wednesday, Animal Planet) because I didn’t want to end up on “Obsessed.” It’s a show about horrific real-life parasitic infections of humans. Brain-eating parasites. Lung flukes. Ringworms. Really, Animal Planet? REALLY? Is this what it’s come to? Why in the world would I ever watch something like that? I just know if I did, I’d end up huddled in a corner, scratching my skin bloody, screaming “It’s inside me, get it out, GET IT OUT!!!”

I didn’t watch the second episode of “NYC Prep” (Tuesday, Bravo) because I hated every kid enough from the first episode that I had no desire to revisit them. I also skipped the second episode of “Real World: Cancun” (Wednesday, MTV) because I had no great desire to see college-aged idiots binge drink and puke on themselves again. Besides, I can see that in downtown Santa Rosa almost every night. (What’s up with that anyway? Are there not enough bars in Santa Rosa that folks need to pack into the few downtown and drink as if there’s no tomorrow? Whatever happened to keg parties? Or pacing yourself?)

Sooooo . . . . yeah. Pretty slim pickins. The week wasn’t a total loss though. “Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D List” was pretty funny. (Confession time: My girlfriend started making me watch it, but now I kinda like it.) “Better Off Ted” was. . . well, at least it was on. It wasn’t great but I think I chuckled. But most importantly, I had “State of Play” to watch or else I might have had to do something drastic. Like read a book.

Next week should be better. Among the highlights on tap: the season premiere of “Entourage” (10 p.m. Sunday, HBO), (UPDATE: I’m an idiot. “Entourage” starts next Sunday, the 12th.) Neil Patrick Harris as a guest judge on “Top Chef Masters” (10 p.m. Wednesday, Bravo), and a brand new “Burn Notice” (10 p.m. Thursday, USA).